| so i had an absolutely WONDERFUL weekend...  ...went to Statesville...and had a
B L A S T...!!!...spent some time with somebody i haven't seen in quite some time...and i'm SO glad i went...!!!... |
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| Artist: Frankie Beverly & Maze
Song: Before I Let You Go Whoa, whoa...ho...
You made me happy
This you can bet
You split right beside me, yeah
And I won't forget
And I really love you
You should know
I wanna make sure I'm right, girl
Before I let go
Now we've had our good time
That's what they say
We've hurtin' each other
Girl, it's a shame
I won't be foolish, no, no
I wanna know
I wanna make sure I'm right, girl, oh
Before I let go, yeah, uh
You know I thank God sun rises and shines on you
You know there's nothin', nothin', nothin' I would not do
Whoa, no
Before I let you go
Oh...
I would never, never, never, never, never, never, never
Never let you go before I go
We were so close
I love your charm, ooh
I can understand it, no
Where did we go wrong
I won't be askin', girl
I've got to know
I gotta make sure I'm right
Before I let go, ha-ha
I wanna know
I wanna know
Oh...oh...oh...oh...yeah
I can't, I can't let you go, mmm
I can't, I can't let you go
'Cause I know
Ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba (Ha, come on, darlin')
Ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
(I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know before I let you go, I gotta tell you so)
Ba ba ba ba ba (Come on, girl)
Ba ba ba (Come on)
Ba ba ba ba ba (I can't let you)
Ba ba ba (Go, go, go, go, go, yeah)
Ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba (I wanna know, know, I wanna know)
Ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba (Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Ba ba ba ba ba
maybe i'm getting better...at times i think so...other times i feel there's no hope for me...but at least i can listen to an upbeat song and rock my head to something that relfects how i feel...it's better than all the other sad sappy stuff that makes me cry...
anyway...everything else is pretty good...gotta new place in j-ville...three bedrooms...two and a half baths...BY MYSELF...with no roomates... ...and i found out that my next door neighbor is texas pete's mom...how crazy is that...?!?...so it's cool i got somebody that will look out for me while i'm here...things are coming to be in order with teaching...finished my handbook...getting things straight this week to get my show...getting staff set...got my camp dates ALMOST set in stone...i just got back from D.C for the 4th with White Oak...i'm gonna miss those kids...and they are going to miss me...cause they told me..!!!...that's a great feeling...to know i had some kind of impact on them...but i won't be too far away from them...so that's good...i'm going to try and get up with eric and eugene this weekend...i need them more than anybody right now with what i'm going through...well...God...THEN them...i think that's it with me...not much really exiting...that's just my life right now in a nutshell...
"i'm slightly more than okay...but just short of fantastic"... |
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| it's the same one from myspace...
yuup...i will officially be leaving greenville at the latest by next friday...this semester wasn't too bad being gone...cause i had reasons to come back...and i pretty much did come back every weekend...so my home was more greenville than jacksonville...eventhough most of the time was spent in jacksonville...but now things will be different...i will still be in jacksonville most of the time...but i won't have as much time to come back every weekend...and there is no real big reason for me to come back...it's kind of a lonely feeling...because it feels like i don't really have that many ties back to greenville anymore...it seems like everything for some reason changes during the summer...people say spring is the season of change and new beginnings...but nah...through my experiences..it's summer that always seems to bring change...some good...some not that good...but all in all...it is change...and we've got to accept it...but it just seems like summer makes people lose touch...everybody goes their seperate ways...and people begin to change...and search for new and differenth things...and i think this happens because this is the time when people find that they have time to really find themselves...and figure out who they are...i know a lot of my soul searching has occurred during the summer...and ya know...there is nothing wrong with that...it's just a lonely feeling...because i will be in a place where i don't know hardly anybody...and the people i do know...don't live in the city...or even the same county...and i have a gut feeling and almost a fear that a lot of the people i've known here in greenville will become just a memory...and i am sure i probably will not hear from a lot of them ever again...i mean...it's just kind of sad...i mean...i can pretty much guarantee where i'll be in a few years...and what my life will be like...but a lot of the people i know...have no clue where they will be in a few years...so that's a little unerving to think about...because there have been some very important people to me here in greenville...that i will be leaving...not knowing if i will ever hear from them again...there are some people i am leaving that i want to be there to help them continue to grow...there are people in greenville that i want to continue being the one they look up to...there are people in greenville i want to continue to be there to love and protect...it's just sad...cause i don't know what will happen to those people in the future...but i suppose it's true that all good things must come to an end...but i guess i'll try and look on the brighter side...and understand that nobody ever really knows where the end is...nobody will ever know...until it is the end...and by then...you'll have no question about it...so maybe this isn't the end...i don't want to close this door in my life just yet...i'd like to keep it craked just a bit...i've had a lot of great experiences in greenville...i've met so many new people...i've begun new relationships...and built on past ones...i've learned so much being here...i've grown tremendously since i've been here...and every person that i have come in contact with while i've been here has taught me something...i am starting a new season in my life's dramatic sitcom...with me as the director and God as the screenwriter and head of post production...so i hope that He doesn't choose to edit you out of the series...im really going to miss you all...i've got a week left...so i'm going to try and make it a good one...
Jonathan D. Matthews |
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| i don't think i've ever felt more alone than i do right now... seriously...what is wrong with me...?...am i too nice...am i not nice enough...do i care too much...am i not fun...for real...why does this shit always happen to me...what am i doing wrong...i put so much into it...and get nothing in return...im literally sick from all of it...my best friend said "put it all in God's hands"...well i did that last time...and now this has happened as a result of it...so i MUST be doing something wrong...i mean...everything else in my life is going well...why can't i just get a grasp on this part of it...?...why can't i be happy...?...why can't other people be happy being with me...?... |
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